On my way to work this morning, bleary-eyed and sleep-addled, I indulged in my annual game of 'Guess which news stories are April Fools so that I can recline at midday, a satisifed smile on my face, safe in the knowledge that I have survived another year un-fooled.'
I got them all, of course.
However, I also identified several news stories as April Fools, which turned out to be REAL NEWS. I was pretty much certain, too.
Here are some of the best:
1. What does your city smell of? The Guardian
Key quote: 'After all this time spent in your home city, can you actually describe what it smells like? Above all, what is its defining aroma? Tell us in the comments below.'
'Wow,' I thought, browsing what I assumed to be a bogus Wordpress blog attributed to 'Urban Smell Enthusiast', Dr Victoria Henshaw, 'The Guardian have put a lot of effort into their April Fool this year.' But no, it's real. Sorry Vicky...
Key quote: 'Miles, who has three children under five, shouted ‘I want my chips’ outside the takeaway and threatened to burn it down, the prosecution said.'
To be fair, most news stories in The Metro could be mistaken for April Fools...
3. Are these Britain's most pointless double yellow lines? Daily Mail
Key quote: 'Another Kingston resident said: ‘Those lines are just stupid. Not even a unicycle could park there. What a waste of time. My daughter’s little toy car couldn’t even fit on that tiny bit of kerb.'
It's definitely PC gone mad... Or something like that. This, the story of an incredibly short set of double yellow lines - the really incredulous thing about this news story is that it made it to the front page of the world's most visited news website.
4. Foul-mouthed parrot gets garden centre staff in a flap, Manchester Evening News
Key quote: 'Ruby is a much-loved pet at the centre but seems to have picked up some naughty vocabulary.'
Polly wants a ****er.
5. North-east woman decorates dog poo with strawberries and cream, Evening Express
Key quote: 'Theresa Ritchie also carries Nutella in her handbag to spread on dog dirt on her way to work.'
You can't polish a turd, but you can make it look like a tasty chocolate dessert.